Poor Man About Town

I remember listening to Radio 4's Now Show where they pointed out that the 4uck You has a tendency to be driven down the middle of the road. Yep, it's completely safe to drive down the middle of the road, no problem, no consideration. Vanity and the 4cuk You and narcissism go into overdrive. We are having to deal with a metalised and bloated ego here, this is dangerous stuff. I have noted that the bozos who drive these vehicles suddenly pull out in front of you expecting you to give way - yep, they do not have so much have the right of way but the righteousness of way. The question that I would I like to ask is this - why own a car that is designed to look like a hearse that can negotiate muddy terrain but has become omnipresent in the city - do the idiots who own them have a complete lack of sophistication!

I was in the supermarket again. It was the rush hour and people were piling in. As soon as I walked in, I triggered off an alarm - it sounded like one of those anti-mugging alarms, but I noted the source, it was a baby. The wretched creature was setting off its for the duration of my visit to the supermarket. We have banned smoking in public places, so why not babies - they are injurious to one's emotional health.

It's not often that I yell at the radio, but I accidentally tuned into James O'Brien on LBC, I avoid him like Dracula avoids a crucifix; he has a really naff style that makes you really cringe. I was driving in my car and changing stations as you do, hit upon LBC left it there as there were adverts on. Then James O'Brien comes on, he introduces us to Melissa who is three months pregnant and she has not told her friends yet. Well, you can guess my respone, a really loud "FUCK OFF" resonated throughout the car and in the high street. Station changed to Radio 3 with some operatic crap, I hate opera, but anything is better than James O'Brien on the radio.

I see that Channel 4 is excelling itself in producing more televisual trash. How Clean is Your House is back with those two Glorified Home Helps who make extremely bad television out of somebody's misery and humiliation, in fact they seem to wallow in the humiliation that they cause their victim. Not only do these own clean out the house but clear out the victim's psyche of any dignity - yes, you are being humiliated on a really trashy tv programme...fuck off!!!

I am being called "Boss" by individuals from certain national groupings. I don't invite them to call me this, I am not their "Boss". It makes me feel quite annoyed, it's an inverted form of condescending. It's like that fucking irritating term of phoney endearment "mate" - one wonders whether they are actually meant as terms of disparagement. Whatever, these are just another way of bullshitting - instead of using such terms, why don't they say what they think

Steve Bell's take on Charles Clarke - really hilarious.

I was listening to a security expert on the radio today. He pointed out a number of things; terrorism still continues in countries where there are identity cards; the 9/11
bombers did not use false identities. One wonders why the Government is introducing the Super-Anal version of the identity card. Surely all you need is something to verify who you say you are

The Government is planning to bring in identity cards. All well and good, great idea - no problem. Hang on a minute, the Government not only wants you to have an ID card but you will have to pay around £300 (latest estimate) for having one of these things. Now these identity cards are the super-biometric, all-singing all dancing things, that have everything written about you including the wrinkles on your rectum. Yes the Blair Government is strongly expressing anally retentive ideology by making you give up your ass for identity and security. I don't think that the new card will suffice.

I was listening to the Mark Steel Solution on BBC's Listen Again facility, this was his comment on presenting valid means of identification:

"...you've got to take heaps and heaps of identification along with you...you get there and they always manage to catch you out no matter how many things you take, they will catch you out eventually
- passport?
- got one of those
- driving licence?
- yep! ehm
-...medical card?
- yep!
- How many bills have you got with your name on it?
- Three!
- Sorry you need four
- got four
- sorry you need five ha ha ha...

They'll get you eventually

- birth certificate?
- yep!
- Swan?
- I'm sorry... Have you got a swan with your name and address upon it? Eh? You know the bird you get in the pond, have you got one?

and you have the pathetic attempt at being helpful

- have you got a friend who can bring his swan in?

Mark used this gag in 1992; the moral being is that authority will not recognise any form of identity unless it is completely satisfied that you are the person are on the card. Your identity will have to go and suck when authority does not believe you are the person on your card.

I headed into my office today, coming along the street was a rotweiler sans leash behind him his owner sans leash and owner. The owner, as you would expect, was a bald-headed git. The rottie had eyes for me, loving eyes - the rottie let me be; I must be lucky! Normally these bastards will go for me like a drunk goes for a kebab. Phew!. My main gripe is that the smallest dog is subject to a leash, when it comes to the owner of a rotweiler, no these bozos like their dog au natural. Why cause this alarm, these dogs have a dangerous reputation, they were soldiers in the Roman Legions. Why alarm members of the public by taking them off the leash?.

Live 8 is on the horizon and pop stars are falling over themselves to become holier than thou over starvation and poverty in Africa. At the bottom of this is not really concern over the hungry and poor, oh no, it's really an advertising vehicle that says about pop star "look how cool and right-on I am, you really must buy my records". Free advertising came in one of today's tabloids where Joss Stone said something to the effect that politicians make her sick and they should get off their arse. Well Joss, why don't you get off yours and dig a well in the Sahara? Such statements are quite lame when seen in this context.

As a lifelong comic and Batman fan, I and my daughter went to see the new Batman film. It was an extremely dark film that spent much time exploring Bruce Wayne's extremely traumatised psyche, this turned out to be more complex than met the eye

- Bruce falling down the well
- Bruce than becoming subject to swarming bats who fly out of the well
- Bruce becoming frightened while watching an opera that evoked the bats; his consequent fear led to the family's premature exit from the theatre.
- Bruce seeing his parents as a consequence.

Yep, we go into the realms of Freudian psychology and we witness Bruce's battered ego getting even more battered (no pun intended) by the visual continuing battle between his id (Henri Ducard, League of Shadows) and superego(Alfred the Butler and Gordon, the honest police officer). This was clever and well informed stuff.

At the centre of this, we have Christopher Bale who plays Bruce and Batman; and what an actor!. He is no stranger to parental separation in film roles, he played a very powerful Jim in Spielberg's Empire of the Sun; and you can't help feeling that the young Bruce Wayne character is modelled Bale's Jim. Very powerful performances all around.

As for Batman, well I felt as if the film grabbed me by the throat. It had Dark Knight written all over it, the classic scene of him surveying Gotham City from a tall building in the rain. I went back to my childhood and really started to believe in this superhero and actuall got that rather childhood pleasure at seeing the baddies getting battered around a bit. This Batman, however, had a lot to learn, he crashed in to buildings and fell to the ground and returned home with huge bruises to his body. Oh yes, this film really fizzed to the huge barrel of gunpowder at the end.

My daughter thought the film was brilliant and insisted that we see the film again as well buy the DVD.

Brilliant stuff, much better than Van Helsing (and that had to take some beating!)

In Parliament Square, there is this man who has made numerous banners opposing certain Government policies, in particular, war. He is not only a thorn in the side of Government but Parliament - "the birthplace of modern democracy". Legislation has now been passed to make this man's political activity outside the Grand Political Factory illegal. Tony Benn commented on this in the BBC politics programme - pointing out that protest and peaceful political activism especially around the "home of democracy" has always been tolerated - he reminded us of the Poll Tax, Suffragettes and Pro-fox-hunting demos that occurred outside the hallowed church, they were not really wanted there but accepted as part of the democratic process. Some Battersea New Labour MP, Martin Linton, was wheeled into comment on Benn's item. Pointing out that Parliament had been banning protest outside the House for the past 600 years. As you would expect from a New Labour bozo, he pointed out that it was in the interests of security that such protests be banned in the vicinity of the House. The security injunction can over-ride any political principle or ethic. It turns democratic nation like the UK into a sham - it's as if the State is saying (as was in the case in Soviet Union) "yes, you can vote, vote for anyone we select; as for free speech, that is a luxury for the people who you elect, fuck off!"

I was listening to LBC today, one of the broadcasters, James O'Brien, started his show by oozing oil over Blair. It was an exercise in sycophancy. He praised him for making such a superb speech when taking over the EU presidency - he referred to Blair as the "King of Europe", I just could not listen to any more of this oil, it made me sick, so I tuned into Woman's Hour.

Legislation is in the pipeline to make it a criminal offence to disparage or take the piss out of religion. The legislation is flawed, the Government needs to issue a handbook of what Religiously Incorrect behaviour:

- Is it an offence to tell one of the 'born again' to piss off in no uncertain terms when they accost you on the doorstep or in the high street?.

- Is it an offence to refer to Jehovah's Witnesses as Jehovah's madness?

- Will films like "History of the World" by Mel Brooks be banned, where he makes musical reference to the Spanish Inquistion, one of the lines been "It is better to lose your than your skull"

- Will the Monty Python episode of "No-one escapes the Spanish Inquistion" be banned.

- Will it be a crime to issue a profanity when someone accidentally treads on your toe on the bus.

This legislation is has to be the biggest load of Wankology to come out of New Labour.

I left the house on time to catch a bus to the hospital - I left the car behind - I did not want to pay the fiver to enter the congestion zone - so, Livingstone is keeping my car out of Central London at least. From a first hand point of view, I would say that it is effective and I was in favour of it until I attempted to catch a bus. The driver stopped the bus and let one passenger off, but did not let me on, the bus did not look like a battery farm on wheels or some kind of human transport train from Nazi Germany (Transport for London must have learned a lot from the Nazis about the transportatiion of people). I put my hands in prayer position, pleading with the driver through the glass to let me on, no way. Funnily enough, I was not cross with the driver because the bus was not full to the panelling as Transport for London would expect of its operators (a Nazified transport policy for the people of London); the driver, it seems, was conforming to Health and Safety legislation. So fair play to him. The next bus that came along was driven by a standard TFL dickhead, the methods of which seem to be de-riguer in the TFL code of driving; you know the sort crowd out the bus, get the bus moving with a sudden jolt and doing emergency stops when there are no emergencies. Result of this driving was that I trod on this woman's foot by accident, she experienced some pain which my profuse apology would not alleviate. I felt like strangling the driver, then the head of Transport for London and then Ken Livingstone. He is flogging London to the Olympic Committee and saying that Transport in London is superb, I say that this is Wankology and who is trying to kid?

As I was passing this block of 'luxury apartment'this morning, a baby's crying was been broadcast from it, it was as if the entire block were an amplifier - the cries were the typical 'alien being exterminated' type of sound. I was thankful that I was not baby's next door neighbour!

Have you noticed that there is a place on some supermarket trolleys for freshly born babies, it is plastic and look like a rocket seat. Alternatively, the parents make do by leaving the baby in the its safety seat and plonking in it in the trolley. The baby looks as if it is some good that they got from the shelves. All it needs is one baby in a supermarket to generate a great headache - the crying sounds like an alien being zapped by a killer lazer - not good be in close proximity to a baby when one has a hangover or headache.

I was in a supermarket car park the other day, I noted that there were three 4UCK You or Four Wheel Drive vehicles parked in Disabled Parking Bays, none of them had the disability badge. My guess is that the owners of these monstrosities are disabled of having any consideration for people less able themselves. This kind of action says an awful lot about the owners of these things - 4UCK You!!!

With the integration half of Eastern Europe into the European Community, there's an almighty battle going on between Blair and Chirac as to who is going to foot the bill for liberating these nations from the yoke of Communism. I heard on the Today Programme that if these guys don't get their money they threaten to install right-wing administrations. I know that those who make the injunction of 'politicallly correct' are the self-same people who supported the downfall of communism - so, there you have it, you buggers have been hoisted by your own petard. We have the right wing Eastern European hordes descending upon Western Europe thanks to your support in undermining a political system that was saving you a lot of cash!

Upon returning to the bedsit, I found the atmosphere sweltering and muggy - the rather full laundry basket in the corner did not help with the smell - stale middle-aged male. Bagging up the laundry unearthed some roaches - out comes the tea tree oil. I have a fan heater that blows non-hot air, I put this on the window sill - it's not making a difference, the atmosphere is stll wet.

Geldof seeks out starvation and disease in Africa like a treasure hunter. He brings back much in the way of booty, a book and tv programme - not bad going. In addition, he brings us thousands upon thousands starving and disease ridden Africans. What for? A big fiesta of pop groups who can advertise their wares on all media known to existence. Wall-to-wall guilt tripping to make you dip your hand in your pocket and hand over the fucking moneynow. Cynical, moi. Not really. It's a good cause - but what is even better are those unsung or regaled people Medicines Sans Frontiers comes to mind as well as the thousands of volunteers who help sink wells, reclaim barren land and teach children. These are good causes, if you are going to give your fucking money don't give it to Live 8 give it Medicines Sans Frontiers or CAFOD.

Celebrity also hijacks the starving millions with the Make Poverty History Ads, we were again regaled with celebrities with severe expressions clicking their fingers, among which was Davina McCall!!!. The message of the ad was that a child dies at every click of a celebrity's finger. It would have been a good ad if it were not these bloated egos hard-selling themselves through this ad.

I like listen to the BBC's Listen Again facility. I caught an ad for last Sunday's Broadcasting House and one of the articles was about Cherie Blair and the negative press that she has been getting of late. The stream to said programme was not available due to circumstances beyone the BBC's control. I was disappointed but what or who has decided not to make the stream unavailable...yep, we are in to the realm of conspiracy theories!

When spending a weekend with c, I am subject to some really trashy television. I saw Big Brother for the very first time this week, some none-entity was being evicted - I looked at the housemates, one of them appeared to be of the transgendered variety. I cottoned on to the fact that this was Big Brother's winning formula - transgendered males al-a-Nadia (who appears to have the build of lorry driver and the face of a woman who used to rent me a room). I could not help feeling that there is something exploitative about this form of television; the monkey house in the zoo is a good comparison.

Then there was Celebrity Love Island, a couple apparently got their rocks off much to the chagrin of their fellow contestants - mucho gossip, my reaction was "SO!". Then the contestants sat on the balcony and watched a tropical storm from the safety of their bedcovers.

What is really fucking ironic is that:

a. Thousands of people successfully graduate from drama school at personal and parental expense - they will make excellent actors entertaining people in whatever way they can, but not on television!.

b. Thousands of people successfully graduate from University at personal and parental expense with degrees in writing, literature, classics; they will write excellent dramas and comedies but not for television.

Time was television used to invite dramatic genius exploring what is fantastical about the human condition. Not anymore. No, TV producers believe that the populace of the UK is cretinous and does not deserve genius!

Lying down quite peacefully, reading a book, I felt a little something crawl on my arm - yep, it was cockroach - these little buggers take me back to reading 'The Furry Freak Brothers' whose home was always subject to such invasions. Two important discoveries, you have to keep the place - keep crumbs off the floor and when invaded, put tea tree oil in an oil burner.

I was in Sidcup the other day, as I turned off the A20 there was this massive BBC poster advdertising its season on Africa. Now, I think that African culture has much going for it - it has a unique vibrancy that has permeated Western culture for centuries through its music and arts. Having said that, Africa is more diverse in its cultures than Europe. I hope that this BBC season will help break a few myths, there's a superb exhibition at the British Museum full of atefacts and explanations. The BBC, however, is taking a huge risk in spending the licence fee payers' money in Sidcup on advertising such an ambitious project in Sidcup.

Sidcup does, however, have a claim to cultural fame - Harold Pinter's Caretaker - the tramp was desperate to get down there to get a free pair of shoes. Apart from this, I do not know whether Sidcup figures anymore on Britain's cultural map.

I noted that Cherie Blair is bemoaning the fact that Dennis Thatcher never came in for so much as flair when his spouse was Prime Minister. Well let's look at the reasons for this, Dennis was always happy to potter around in the background with a tumbler full of whisky. Cherie Blair, however, appears to have used her husband's office as a catwalk where she can parade up and down in expensive clothing - now that is inviting the press to blow your head off every time you stick it up. She has even wrote a book on what its like to be the pm's spouse and has gone on a paid lecture of the US to flog the book. One thing is certain being pm's spouse can be a nice little earner.

The Blairs have always struck as quite fragile in the area of image and looking good - this seems to be the underlying anxiety in their political modus operandi. The hiring of Alistair Campbell protected them from a prying press - but as soon as their spin formula was discovered the rot to their image set in. It seems that no amount or new kinds of spin can put things right for them.

I noted this during the election campaign - Blair opened a school in London - the pupils of the school made what sounded like booing noises at him. The spin doctors got to work on this and told the press that what the pupils were actually saying was "boom" which is form of praise. The Blair Campaign sounded so anxious about this that they released press statements all over the place. This did not wash - why? One only need to look at Thatcher - she thrived on her detractors as well as her supporters, nothing fazed her, it seems - she was not going to put a spin on people heckling - this kind of publicity only focussed on the person who really matter - Her!

In all of this, I get the feeling that Blair is seen at best insincere and that he has a huge problem with his political credibility.

I have a rather eclectic taste in food. I will nip into and buy junk food along with salady type things. There is a North African supermarket nearby, it sells some fairly good halal meat along with merguez sausages. It also jars of pickles and sauces, tins of beans, aubergines, vegetables etc. It sells Ayran, a delicious Turkish yoghurt drink. It's a really great place to go and shop.

Now, I'm rather partial to Rakusen's Matzos - a large rectangular cracker - great for dipping into humous and other middle eastern food - particularly of the Arab and Turkish variety. I am not very familiar Jewish cookery but I do like salt-beef sandwiches and potato latkes.

Tonight, I had a light meal of tinned tuna, humous, foul medames (from a tin with Arabic writing) and the aformentioned matzos - it was a great light evening meal. Nice to know that food can unify nations on one's taste buds. This was washed with a can of "Bitter Soda" - described "As appetizing soft drink" the rest of the can was written in Arabic. Yep, the drink was quite bitter but quite refreshing - must stock up some more of said drink!

It 10.40pm. Grolly God enters the bog next door and starts to clear his throat, mucho haaaaaaaqqqq pttt sounds. This really pisses me off because I wonder whether it is for my benefit, what a cutn!

Someone is having a laugh. The news came to us that the International Olympic Committee is seriously considering the London application along with the Paris one. It seems that a rather glowing report was made about London's ability to host the games. Ken Livingstone said it would cost every Londoner the price of Walnut Whip. Nothing has been done about London's transport, but Tessa Jowell said that the cheques have already been written, she has yet to say that they are in the post. This is what will happen if London is awarded the games - a campaign along the lines of 'Make do with what we got'. My guess is that we won't, we will avoid using the tubes and busses and walk to work - now here's cracking idea - congestion charging the pedestrian - as soon as the bugger leaves his home, charge him a fiver - charge him a pound for staying in his home. This London Olympic bid is complete bollocks, who are they trying to kid?

I was reading in the Observer today that owners of four-wheel drive vehicles are allowed to apply to drive over ancient footpaths in countryside national parks. Can't the buggers park the vehicle in the car park and get out and walk? I can assure them that they would appreciate the countryside much better without the filter of a muddy windscreen. No, these buggers are at the forefront of ruining the countryside, it will become so ruined that golf clubs will come to the rescue - then the Four Wheel Drives will park in the car park and the contents of said vehicle will drive around the countryside in a golf buggy. Bastards.

I was in one of those large bookshops in Central London on Saturday. It was one of those places where armchairs are supplied for the comfort of people who want to mooch around through the shop and flick through books which take their interest. A serene and adult activity; the bookshop, a refuge from bratdom. How wrong I was, I was barely five minutes in the shop when the shop flooded with parents and quite young and their yowling sprogs! One couple came in with a small a contraption which looked a cross between a stretcher trolley and a supermarket trolley(I guess that it was one of those designer efforts which cost the price of a small car), it occupied an awful lot of space for the tiny brat that contained. The parents of said brat saw fit to empty the contents of said trolley into the bookshop. The brat immediately started to run amok, parents thought it was quite cute; there was no consideration for others. The driver of stretcher-cum-supermarket-trolley was so oblivious to my polite "excuse-me" that I had to squeeze my large bulk between a shelf and the trolley. Quite soon, the sofas filled with older brats, doing what older brats do apart from read - namely playing with game boys and indulging with horseplay and/or rivalry with their siblings. A crescendo of yowling started to build up. What was really interesting was that the parents of these brats did not appear to touch any books, rather they just came into the bookshop to pose at whom they considered to be the sad gits who did not have any children. When I grew up, my parents took me to the park, seaside and child-friendly places. When my children were growing up, I did the same. What the hell is the matter with matter with these bozos? Don't they care that their fellow adults need quiet places to go? No, what we have now, is the Now Model Parent, who is out to tryannise those without small children.