Poor Man About Town

The Government is planning to bring in identity cards. All well and good, great idea - no problem. Hang on a minute, the Government not only wants you to have an ID card but you will have to pay around £300 (latest estimate) for having one of these things. Now these identity cards are the super-biometric, all-singing all dancing things, that have everything written about you including the wrinkles on your rectum. Yes the Blair Government is strongly expressing anally retentive ideology by making you give up your ass for identity and security. I don't think that the new card will suffice.

I was listening to the Mark Steel Solution on BBC's Listen Again facility, this was his comment on presenting valid means of identification:

"...you've got to take heaps and heaps of identification along with you...you get there and they always manage to catch you out no matter how many things you take, they will catch you out eventually
- passport?
- got one of those
- driving licence?
- yep! ehm
-...medical card?
- yep!
- How many bills have you got with your name on it?
- Three!
- Sorry you need four
- got four
- sorry you need five ha ha ha...

They'll get you eventually

- birth certificate?
- yep!
- Swan?
- I'm sorry... Have you got a swan with your name and address upon it? Eh? You know the bird you get in the pond, have you got one?

and you have the pathetic attempt at being helpful

- have you got a friend who can bring his swan in?

Mark used this gag in 1992; the moral being is that authority will not recognise any form of identity unless it is completely satisfied that you are the person are on the card. Your identity will have to go and suck when authority does not believe you are the person on your card.