Poor Man About Town

I was using the bus yesterday. Some man in his late fifties boarded the bus, he came and sat down in the seat opposite. He was wearing a cardigan cum winter coat - it looked like it was made out of bath rug. I did not pay him much mind until from out of nowhere he produced a tin of strong lager from which he was gulping down. He concealed the tin, opened, into a pocket in his bath rug jacket. These guys are ingenious in smuggling opened beer tins onto the bus.

Labels: alcohol, alcoholism, beer can man, buses, public transport

I was at New Cross this morning waiting for the bus, pelting down with rain. It was 9.30. There was Beer Can Man attempting to shake hands with people in the bus shelter. He was wielding a tin of Carlsberg Special Brew. He was all smiles and full of that menacing bonhomie that one associates with street drunks. The people in the bus queue attempted to ignore him but this was like trying to ignore someone with a loaded gun. He tired of his feigned friendliness and had a fight with a lamp-post, he threw a couple of punches at its trunk, lamp-post did nothing stood inert and proud. He looked pained and went back to the bus queue. This time, he was full of aggression and started to act like a drill sergeant - barking orders at the queue to stand to "Attention" and then to "At ease", he repeated this again and again with excruciating monotony. Each member of the queue had that look of "will I be singled out". One woman in her sixties was brave enough to stand up to him and told him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone and her fellow members of the queue. He would not listen, the bugger just kept on and on. In the meantime, police cars flew by with flashing disco lights making noises like flying saucers from a 50's sci-fi film. Fucking marvelous!

Labels: beer can man, buses, drunks, nuisance

Today was a rainy soggy day. The buses were running like cattle trucks. I was in Sutton, I attempted to avoid the school crush and got to my bus stop at 2.45, the bus was running and the bus that I wanted zoomed by packed with passengers - it zoomed by 10 minutes later than what it said on the time table. The next bus came at 10 minutes later than what the time table stated - it was packed but the driver allowed us on. We reached Carlshalton; there was a mass of school girls who came on the bus like a flock of mad geese and sounding similar. Some girls tried to board the bus through the middle doors, but a West Indian man denied them entrance "get in the queue, respect", phew that was a relief. He then shut the door via the emergency control, well it was an emergency. The driver seemed panicked, he turned off the engine, but did not tell any of the girls to get off the bus nor did he shut the doors on his part of the bus. Eventually the bus moved off. Some of the girls sounded quite political commenting that the school should invest its money in buses rather than in laptops. Although they were quite loud and got on my nerves, they were quite well-behaved. Got off at Croydon to catch my connecting bus - it came, it was packed to the degree that faces of school kids were squashed up against the door windows - they looked in a complete state of resigned despair. Something told me, this is not right - Transport for London is crap, it does not care about its passengers, it could not manage a kiddies merry go round let alone a bus network.

Labels: buses, public transport, schoolkids, tfl, transport, transport for london

The liberalisation of taking baby buggies on the buses has gone too far - baby buggies are one thing, but a king-sized doubled bed x 3 is another. Intolerable parents are becoming increasingly tolerable by buying monster prams for their sprogs to take on the bus. The intolerable parent gives you that 'get out the fucking way' kind of look. They have that Bo(z)no kind arrogance that if you do not get out of the fucking way and offer your space to them, you will be wiped off the face of universe. The driver does not care, he will allow around three, sometimes four, of these monstrosities on the bus.

Labels: babies, buses, Parenting, Parents, public transport

Beer Can Man boarded the bus at around 9.00am today. He was carrying a small black plastic bag, he appeared lit up like Las Vegas. The seating on buses is rather irregular these days, one seat here, two seats there, some seats face to face, some towering behind others. Unlike the route masters, which had a regular seating order, these buses are truly magical. Beer Can Man found his seat in front of me and I was staring down at his bald and polished head. He had as much bling on his fingers as Jimmy Saville He had a small black plastic bag from which he was swallowing fluid. He was not fooling me, but he continued in this act of pretence until the contents of the can came to an end, when he took it out it the black plastic bag - it was Foster's Lager. He dumped the can on the floor and put the black bag in his holdall which he was also carrying. I felt so annoyed that I wanted slap a tattoo of triplets on his polished bald head - discretion being the better part of valour got hold of me - don't tangle with a drunk - I had to get to work.

Yet another annoyance on Public Transport.

Labels: beer, beer can man, buses, transport

I have been subject to yowling babies throughout the week - this has happened on the bus. MP3 Player, some soothing Ravel - earplugs in - yowling baby switched on. Complete state of resignation, I listen to yowling baby throughout the remainder of the journey. I try a different tack, read book - yowling baby starts squawking - resignation again.

Newborn babies, however, give out the most irritating yowling sound - you will find newborn baby being presented to the world in a supermarket on a trolley like some treasured item off the shelf. The sound that this creature gives off is like an electric guitar played by some twelve year old beginner who has attached a dodgy wah-wah pedal. Quite horrible.

Labels: babies, buses

The driver of today's bus may well have been me! There was this arsehole blocking the road with his body while babbling into his mobile phone, he had one of those massive cars that almost cover over half the width of the road, did he get in his car, no he did not - the bus driver bibbed his horn and shouted "get out the way, man - idiot", the idiot got into his massive car and continued babbling. He looked like one of those self-assured smug gits who does not give a shit about anyone else but himself, he was a suit without the jacket - dressed in shirt, tie and trousers. Then we had the lady who boarded the bus saying that she had spent money on her Oyster Card, bus driver demanded to see the receipt, when this was not produced, he lectured her about having a receipt. He, nevertheless, allowed her to continue her journey two stops down the road. Then we had a group of youths who tried to board the bus; one of whom looked 15 attempted to argue with the driver that he is 13, the driver would have none of it "show me proof that you are 13", youth replied "I don't have no proof, I'm thirteen..." They all disembarked.

Nice to see grumpies applying themselves

Labels: buses, grumpy old men, transport

I was on another bus journey yesterday, I was travelling through a rather middle class area. Several women boarded the bus, two of whom had the pushchair equivalent of a four wheel drive vehicle, the contents of these vehicles were their highly articulate brats who sported middle class accents. These women blocked the central part of the bus with their massive contraptions and their contents. Being ecologically minded, I guess that these women left their four wheel drive, they did not appear to give a shit for the other passengers - just cluttering up the space to which they are entitled. They were babbling at each other and the contents of the four wheel drive pushchairs, one woman pointing to the contents that "we are on a bus, this bus has an upstairs just like at home", I obviously deduced that she was broadcasting the fact to the rest of us plebs on the bus that they don't live in a council flat, housing estate or in rented accommodation!

Labels: attitude, brats, buses, four wheel drive, middle class, selfishness

I was sitting peacefully on a bus yesterday, I was in peaceful reverie until Mr Machismo boarded the bus. Mr Machismo stormed his way down the aisle nearly treading on my feet. If this berk could have made a public display of his bollocks he would have done. He was wearing a baseball cap to conceal his bald head. He sat down, quietly snorting like a bull in the last moments of a bullfight, next to an elderly passenger. I thought "what the fuck?". As the journey progessed, his elderly seat mate wanted to get off the bus, Mr Machismo made a flamboyant gesture, swinging around with his feet and his bag - his feet nearly treading on my toes and his bag nearly swinging into my face. Elderly passenger got off the bus, Mr Machism sat down on the outside of the two seats, thus taking up the "two for one option". Next stop, an elderly couple boarded the bus. In another flamboyant and theatrical gesture, he rose from his seat (I thought that he was going to offer the elderly couple the two seats which he and his bag were occupying)and told two boys to give up their seats to these "two old people" (I loved this use of his language here). The two boys obliged. Mr Machismo returned to his seats, occupying them as before, looking quite pleased with himself, obviously thinking what a swell guy he is and how much he loves he loves his parents who are "two old people".

Labels: buses, Grumble, irritations, machismo, transport

I was subject to a new begging ploy today. Some bloke was on the bus, he had a tin cup in his hand and a placard slung round his neck - the placard announced that he was subject to various privations. He had a limp. He limped down the aisle of the bottom deck, thrusting his tin mug into the faces of stunned passengers - they obliged by thrusting coins into his mug. It was like been in church when the bag gets passed around, it was an epidemic of forced generosity. I have been in countries and have seen similar stuff. I thought there is no way I would oblige this bugger. He was coining it in. He thrust and rattled the tin mug in my face, I announced "skint", he rattled the mug now full of coins, I announced "skint" again, he did it again, I said the same again. He responded with an unhappy but knowing look. The bus came to his stop and he zoomed to the closing doors, I thought "fuck, he's quick". He get off the bus and started to limp again.

Labels: Beggars, Begging, buses

There has been a new development with parents and their small offspring - the parents shell out mucho spondooliks on these fucking mega-sized pushchairs, the size of which could easily fit a small hippopotamus, yet these idiots insist on loading these contraptions onto a crowded bus. Baby buggies are ok, they are small and light, but these new monsters seem to have been designed by idiots who are more minded to design armoured vehicles. Can't these idiots realise that small is beautiful.

Labels: buses, pushchairs, transport, travelling