Saturday, May 14, 2005
London: A Tourist Trash Centre
It’s nearly summer time and the Burgers of London have plans afoot to turn the city into a theme that will rival Disneyland, Paris. Central London ground to a halt today, they decided to close off the Strand for some reason. There are a number of crucial things missing in London – public bogs and a decent transportation. The plan was for us to go to London Bridge and check what is on at Shakespeare’s Globe.
Borough Market, to all intents and purposes, is a shopping mall that sells food au natural a la prix grands! People buy into this crap because the high street has disappeared due to huge supermarkets taking over the retail industry and muscling out the smaller shops. What we have in Borough Market are these ponsified shops selling ye traditional fayre at prices that are way out of any ordinary budget, what is actually being flogged is the the life style of sterilised rusticity, ruralism without the smell of pigshit wafting in through the windows. Bollocks!
The walk along the Thames is getting so bad that the paving is becoming uneven and hazardous due to so many visitors. We have the ponsified wine mart of vinopolis, on the opposite wall was scrawled graffiti with guys in suits running amok, the written explanation read “Cheque book vandalism”. This shit is happening throughout London. Places are brought up and the community bought out. This is the suburbanisation of London.
Further along – Tate Modern, in the forecourt of said building was a trail of horse manure, it said it all. Modern art has its place, but Tate Modern is popular destination; its ethos making art accessible to the plebs. It takes the sting out of its tail somewhat and it gives a home to conceptual art.
There were two guys busking under a bridge, the music was crap – one guy was singing some mournful cold play song while accompanying himself with a guitar and his friend accompanied him on the cello. Coldplay is fucking dreadful music, Moanpop – the odd thing about this kind of shit is that these guys make money from making shit.
Some performance art further down, drunk on a low-level wall falls into the bushes behind, I do not know how he managed it, it seems that his intention was to lie on the wall but this went wrong, he miraculously fell on his back and even more miraculously, his bottle of beer was still pointing upwards, it seems that years of practice have perfected a gyroscopic control of alcohol in this man’s grasp. More ponsey shops and restaurants – the National Theatre, oddly empty, which was a bit of a relief. The National Film Theatre appears to be showing nothing but crap for the next couple of months.
Royal Festival Hall. The Hungerford Bridge. Trafalgar Square, London attracts the tourists with Morris Dancers, for some reason it appeared to be contrived and part of London’s development to become a theme park. Only thing is that you will not be greeted by Mickey Mouse but a Morris Dancer!
Borough Market, to all intents and purposes, is a shopping mall that sells food au natural a la prix grands! People buy into this crap because the high street has disappeared due to huge supermarkets taking over the retail industry and muscling out the smaller shops. What we have in Borough Market are these ponsified shops selling ye traditional fayre at prices that are way out of any ordinary budget, what is actually being flogged is the the life style of sterilised rusticity, ruralism without the smell of pigshit wafting in through the windows. Bollocks!
The walk along the Thames is getting so bad that the paving is becoming uneven and hazardous due to so many visitors. We have the ponsified wine mart of vinopolis, on the opposite wall was scrawled graffiti with guys in suits running amok, the written explanation read “Cheque book vandalism”. This shit is happening throughout London. Places are brought up and the community bought out. This is the suburbanisation of London.
Further along – Tate Modern, in the forecourt of said building was a trail of horse manure, it said it all. Modern art has its place, but Tate Modern is popular destination; its ethos making art accessible to the plebs. It takes the sting out of its tail somewhat and it gives a home to conceptual art.
There were two guys busking under a bridge, the music was crap – one guy was singing some mournful cold play song while accompanying himself with a guitar and his friend accompanied him on the cello. Coldplay is fucking dreadful music, Moanpop – the odd thing about this kind of shit is that these guys make money from making shit.
Some performance art further down, drunk on a low-level wall falls into the bushes behind, I do not know how he managed it, it seems that his intention was to lie on the wall but this went wrong, he miraculously fell on his back and even more miraculously, his bottle of beer was still pointing upwards, it seems that years of practice have perfected a gyroscopic control of alcohol in this man’s grasp. More ponsey shops and restaurants – the National Theatre, oddly empty, which was a bit of a relief. The National Film Theatre appears to be showing nothing but crap for the next couple of months.
Royal Festival Hall. The Hungerford Bridge. Trafalgar Square, London attracts the tourists with Morris Dancers, for some reason it appeared to be contrived and part of London’s development to become a theme park. Only thing is that you will not be greeted by Mickey Mouse but a Morris Dancer!
